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It's finally f$#king here! After much delays and all other sorts of dumb stuff the second part of my novel, Crimson City, is finally out!
The story picks right up after the little cliffhanger that ended the very first part. There's just so much that goes on in this part that I can't explain it without spoiling it. I have said that the Ebil Witch Lady appears in this story and will actually be a main character instead of a side character like she has been in previous big stories. I did decide to do something different instead of having a jarring big white square with "CC-Part2" in the middle like Part 1 is. So I'm using the chopped image that ~MentalCrash gave to me as part of my dream commission from her. For those who might not know, starting from the left you have: Riley, Owen, and Taryn.
Part 3, when it's good and ready, will pick up with Prom starting and continuing forward for our dear Riley. I will try and make Part 3 the longest part because a certain character's death is incoming and it will also be the start of the second half of the story.
Thank you all for the support and being patient for this part! Enjoy!!!
The story picks right up after the little cliffhanger that ended the very first part. There's just so much that goes on in this part that I can't explain it without spoiling it. I have said that the Ebil Witch Lady appears in this story and will actually be a main character instead of a side character like she has been in previous big stories. I did decide to do something different instead of having a jarring big white square with "CC-Part2" in the middle like Part 1 is. So I'm using the chopped image that ~MentalCrash gave to me as part of my dream commission from her. For those who might not know, starting from the left you have: Riley, Owen, and Taryn.
Part 3, when it's good and ready, will pick up with Prom starting and continuing forward for our dear Riley. I will try and make Part 3 the longest part because a certain character's death is incoming and it will also be the start of the second half of the story.
Thank you all for the support and being patient for this part! Enjoy!!!
© 2015 - 2024 halfpint51
Comments8
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So I decided to just try and figure out how I can write this down, so I won't have to think about it anymore.
I admit that I wasn't in the best mood when I read this part and that I was already bothered by another story that did a particular thing as well, so your writing didn't exactly have a fair chance. You couldn't have foreseen this and it's really one of those things that prove that fiction doesn't exist in a vacuum.
I do want to point out a few things:
- I don't have a problem with your prose as it is. If I did, your stories probably wouldn't appeal to me in general. And, as I said before, your fiction is among my favorites.
- This part has some elements I really don't care about at all. That's clearly not your fault, it doesn't matter who uses them, it simply gives me no pleasure to read through them, and I struggle not to skim: (Dress) Shopping (which happens twice in 30 pages?) and highschool shenanigans. I don't think even the greatest Writer in the known universe could have made these things interesting for me, so again, not so much your fault but mine.
- It's an acceptance plot. Now, this isn't so bad by itself. But here I have the issue that literally the only one standing in the way of Riley's happiness is herself. Everyone else supports her as best as they can, except for some unnamed, faceless students that appear once or twice. This wouldn't be so bad if Riley was, well, interesting. I know very little about her except what happened to her. I don't really know her hobbies, what she wants to do in the future, her ambitions, her dreams, her fears that have nothing to do with the transformation (Maybe all of this was in the first part, and I'm sorry if I'm just not remembering that). And she just seems to begrudgingly go along with everything. Like a (dress-up) doll, she's just pulled from one person to the next, with little resistance. The only thing that she refuses to do (the only decision she really makes), is go out with Oliver, but even that she agrees to in the end (even if it is 'just as friends'). And she didn't even initiate that herself. She just reacts to everything.
- Things just seem... 'fine'. Not bad, not great, but ok. Yes, she tried to kill herself at the beginning; she cries at the beginning; she's given drugs to cope. But aside from people telling her to take these pills, her behavior doesn't give me the impression that things are that bad at all. She gets along with her ex, her dad gets a great girlfriend, everyone she cares about is right beside her, encouraging her at every opportunity, treating her as normal as they can... and the only reason I feel any tension is because I KNOW that she will kill herself at some point in the future, because you mentioned it before. Or if you decide to publish this as a novel, because the novel isn't even close to being done.
- It's mostly build-up. Yes, important things happen, subtle or not. But it still kinda felt like you've been holding a carrot in front of my face for thirty pages and then told me I would get it next time maybe.
- "'I think you should go, it'd be a great way to show everyone that you're embracing your femininity and not giving a fuck what others think.' Tammy suggested to her." - I think this passage here annoyed me the most. Why would she be 'embracing her femininity'? Why is her going in a tux treated as a joke? Why is Riley possibly being 'gay' a big deal? It just seems weird to me to have these things in a world where transitioning, transsexuality, transgenderism and all that are more or less accepted by the populace and especially the named characters. I know it's a bit different when it happens to you personally, but still, it just doesn't sit right with me. And it seems a lot like everyone is trying to make Riley more or less 'traditionally' feminine. Not 'stay in the kitchen and make me a sandwhich' feminine, but rather other stuff like clothes and 'hanging out to do girly stuff' (she was your boyfriend a few days/weeks ago, Tammy, come on).
So, there it is. I'm being awefully negative here, and I apologize for that. And I'm sure that most of these things are just grievances I would have and aren't really about the quality of your writing... but they're still why I didn't enjoy this part. I don't know if this'll help you at all... I doubt it. But hey, if none of this helps you, then feel free to ignore or hide this comment or whatever.
I admit that I wasn't in the best mood when I read this part and that I was already bothered by another story that did a particular thing as well, so your writing didn't exactly have a fair chance. You couldn't have foreseen this and it's really one of those things that prove that fiction doesn't exist in a vacuum.
I do want to point out a few things:
- I don't have a problem with your prose as it is. If I did, your stories probably wouldn't appeal to me in general. And, as I said before, your fiction is among my favorites.
- This part has some elements I really don't care about at all. That's clearly not your fault, it doesn't matter who uses them, it simply gives me no pleasure to read through them, and I struggle not to skim: (Dress) Shopping (which happens twice in 30 pages?) and highschool shenanigans. I don't think even the greatest Writer in the known universe could have made these things interesting for me, so again, not so much your fault but mine.
- It's an acceptance plot. Now, this isn't so bad by itself. But here I have the issue that literally the only one standing in the way of Riley's happiness is herself. Everyone else supports her as best as they can, except for some unnamed, faceless students that appear once or twice. This wouldn't be so bad if Riley was, well, interesting. I know very little about her except what happened to her. I don't really know her hobbies, what she wants to do in the future, her ambitions, her dreams, her fears that have nothing to do with the transformation (Maybe all of this was in the first part, and I'm sorry if I'm just not remembering that). And she just seems to begrudgingly go along with everything. Like a (dress-up) doll, she's just pulled from one person to the next, with little resistance. The only thing that she refuses to do (the only decision she really makes), is go out with Oliver, but even that she agrees to in the end (even if it is 'just as friends'). And she didn't even initiate that herself. She just reacts to everything.
- Things just seem... 'fine'. Not bad, not great, but ok. Yes, she tried to kill herself at the beginning; she cries at the beginning; she's given drugs to cope. But aside from people telling her to take these pills, her behavior doesn't give me the impression that things are that bad at all. She gets along with her ex, her dad gets a great girlfriend, everyone she cares about is right beside her, encouraging her at every opportunity, treating her as normal as they can... and the only reason I feel any tension is because I KNOW that she will kill herself at some point in the future, because you mentioned it before. Or if you decide to publish this as a novel, because the novel isn't even close to being done.
- It's mostly build-up. Yes, important things happen, subtle or not. But it still kinda felt like you've been holding a carrot in front of my face for thirty pages and then told me I would get it next time maybe.
- "'I think you should go, it'd be a great way to show everyone that you're embracing your femininity and not giving a fuck what others think.' Tammy suggested to her." - I think this passage here annoyed me the most. Why would she be 'embracing her femininity'? Why is her going in a tux treated as a joke? Why is Riley possibly being 'gay' a big deal? It just seems weird to me to have these things in a world where transitioning, transsexuality, transgenderism and all that are more or less accepted by the populace and especially the named characters. I know it's a bit different when it happens to you personally, but still, it just doesn't sit right with me. And it seems a lot like everyone is trying to make Riley more or less 'traditionally' feminine. Not 'stay in the kitchen and make me a sandwhich' feminine, but rather other stuff like clothes and 'hanging out to do girly stuff' (she was your boyfriend a few days/weeks ago, Tammy, come on).
So, there it is. I'm being awefully negative here, and I apologize for that. And I'm sure that most of these things are just grievances I would have and aren't really about the quality of your writing... but they're still why I didn't enjoy this part. I don't know if this'll help you at all... I doubt it. But hey, if none of this helps you, then feel free to ignore or hide this comment or whatever.